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Making Sense of Molgrons

April 3, 2012

Once, there were Molgrons.

They lived on a planet much like ours, and in fact were quite identical to human beings– aside from the fact that their arms and legs were rather tentacles which also spat fire when aroused.

Sarah, by a twist of fate not otherwise explained in this narrative, found herself on the planet of the Molgrons one day. It was a queer happenstance, but Sarah was a robust girl of adaptive mental state, and she decided to make the best of a strange– if not otherwise bad– situation.

Happily, the Molgrons had also experienced a parallel evolution of language which produced the exact syntax of the English language in full (excepting proper nouns, of course). At the very least, Sarah and the Molgrons had a language in common, which should have served to make intelligent communication possible, so far as the mechanics were concerned. How nice that none of those silly Babel Fish needed to be involved.

Sarah, being an inquisitive sort, was widely studied. Among her mastery of subjects resided philosophy, particle physics, carpentry, psychology, basic first aid, mathematics, and many other standbys.

Now obviously, one does not simply open with Hume’s Problem of Induction, nor the proof for Pythagoras’ Relation. If anything, this is simple bad manners. Our heroine had the common courtesy to introduce herself, give general indications of her former life upon Earth, and inquire into the descriptors of the Molgron who had been selected to speak with her. However, with little reference to who people are, or what places are which, there isn’t much to be said after something of a while. One’s interest in baseball is hardly illuminating or interesting, given the low prevalence among tentacled races to be grasping rounded wooden sticks.

So, the two move quickly to matters of philosophical import, the greater questions which had spanned the ages of human history. The greatest question of all came quickly to the forefront.

“How do you believe the universe came to be?”, Sarah asked “Vicki”, the nicknamed Molgron accompanying her.

Vicki had the good grace to smile, but was obviously shocked by the question. “Why, that’s quite clear to us, Sarah. I hadn’t asked you the same thing… I suppose because I just assumed everyone knew the answer. Our holy Goddess created the universe. She designed it all, enacted it, and actively intervenes to make sure that everything keeps running according to the plan.”

Hearing this, Sarah stopped walking, her brow furrowed. “So, when you say ‘actively intervenes’, what exactly do you mean by that?’

“Well, you can’t expect the universe to run on its own. Look at a clock, or a computer, or something similar. A construction is simply susceptible to the fallibility introduced by basically flawed constituent parts, or continued wear and tear. These things require maintenance, however slight, to continue existing and performing their functions. The universe is the same way, but its function is simply to exist! The Goddess Arianna simply performs the necessary maintenance which continues all of life.”

Vicki turned to Sarah, excited to be sharing the truth with her, small flames emitting from her “hands”. “Don’t you see? It’s the perfect relationship between creator and the created. All worldly creations must eventually cease working, moving beyond the ability of even the original creator to maintain them further. With a creator of infinite time and infinite capability, though, the creation can exist forever! The universe can go on indefinitely, giving every soul the chance to take its turn living in a body.”

“Vicki”, Sarah began, “Thank you for answering me. I’m glad that you’ve been able to explain that so well to me. But how do you know? How do you, as Molgrons, know that this is the case, and that Arianna is the creator Goddess who does all this? Do you have proof?”

“Of course we have proof!”, Vicki exclaimed, as a particularly large gout of flame erupted from her left “hand” (fortunately on the opposite side from Sarah). “We’ve simply looked at a fan-shaped node of memory as a longitudinal representation of mathematical alphabets, and deduced the conclusion from there!” Another gout of flame erupted. “It’s genius, the highest genius! I can only imagine the higher intellect of those responsible for the discovery translating to the Word of Arianna.”

Sarah had become quite discomfited by the bouts of combustion taking place during this conversation, but was determined to press on. “Wait, what? Vicki, I don’t understand what you’re saying. How does any of that make sense? I don’t think there even are any fan-shaped nodes of memory… or nodes of memory at all. What are you talking about?”

“Sarah!”, now both of Vicki’s tentacles were emitting constant jets of fire, “I expected more from you. Don’t you see that the neo-classical archetypes are clear maps of memory? The evolutionary imperative demanded that the nodes be multi-faceted and egregious in symmetry.”

Now nervous, our terrestrial figure took a small step backwards before continuing, with hands raised in defense. “Vicki, I don’t know what’s going on, but those words don’t even make sense in a sentence together.”

“What? Come now. It’s all easily explained by multi-tense atomic literary canals instigated into heliocentric-based acceleration. Basics, really, you should know all about it! It’s your field, after all!” At this, the largest explosion of flame thus far was near enough to singe poor Sarah’s eyebrows.

At this, Sarah’s nerve broke. Panicked, dismayed, and confused, Sarah ran. Perhaps it was the isolation among beings who were fundamentally very close to her own nature, or the inability to effectively communicate using a functionally equivalent language with the one she had grown up speaking. Perhaps it was the fire shooting from tentacles. But regardless of the cause, Sarah left the overwhelming stress of the situation by running away as fast as possible. Can you blame her? I can’t. The madness of conscious beings can be contagious, you know.

One Comment leave one →
  1. April 4, 2012 2:01 pm

    “The madness of conscious beings can be contagious, you know.”—So true, and it spreads across the U.S. every Sunday it would appear!

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